Help Me Please, I am Desperate?

I am desperate to know what the hell is so special about April?? It just comes here and kicks my as$ swiftly. OUCH. Emotions running from me, it hurts, it really hurts. I fought myself today, and it was revealing. I am a mortal immortal of sorts, with 6 hands. Lets Kung Fu! Hippies. Hippies everywhere. Stinky smelly hippies. I need to talk to my guru, but he's far atop of the mesa right now. Help me, the cougar is near and I do not want to get too close. It smells fear. ANd then they come around with this very annoying yet intoxicating high-pitched voice. I can't dig it, I just can't dig it. Blammo! I wan an Indian once. Moonlight rain chant, hiya-hiya-hey-hey. I think I'll stay in bed instead. What is a? I happily broke my arm today, it was a lovely break, so perfect! Oh wow, the pain was oh so splendid. Can I do it again? But wait. Here's the news buddy boy! It seems as you are not wanted here, I suggest that you find another place to infest. So I ask you all, you all almighty, why??